


Chopsticks

by storyplease



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Chinese Food, Chopsticks, Gen, Humor, Other, Staff Meetings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-06
Updated: 2016-08-06
Packaged: 2018-07-29 17:17:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7692889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storyplease/pseuds/storyplease
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>To celebrate the last day of the school year, Albus Dumbledore is treating his staff to a delicious meal. But is there more than meets the eye to this little excursion?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Chopsticks

**Chopsticks**

 

With a loud CRACK, a group of cloaked figures appeared from the dead-end alley next to General Fun’s Chinese Food in the heart of Muggle London.

 

“With all due respect, this is a  _ terrible _ idea, sir,” Severus said, pulling his hood back and shooting a withering glare at Albus Dumbledore.

 

“Don’t you worry, my boy!” Albus chuckled affably. “I was certain to make reservations!”

 

“That is not what I was referring to,” Severus replied dubiously.

 

“Oh, this is the first end of term staff supper that is in a muggle place!” Professor Burbage gushed to Professor Sinistra, who nodded and smiled as they walked in side-by-side.

 

“Come on, Severus, or by the time you get inside, there will be no more Chicken Chow Mein left for you!” Minerva chuckled, walking by the Potions professor, who wore a pinched expression as he stood with his arms crossed.

 

When even Flitwick had disappeared into the restaurant, Severus turned towards the door with a loud huff and stomped in, slamming the door behind him, shaking his head at the strange image that met him inside.

 

The professors of Hogwarts were sitting around a large table with a little spinning circular tray in the middle as waiters and waitresses brought trays of steaming food to the table. Even Flitwick was bellying up to the table as he sat upon at least seven old phone books.

 

Severus begrudgingly took his spot on Albus Dumbledore’s left.

 

“Ah, the prodigal son has arrived!” Minerva quipped with a small smirk.

 

“You do realize that it is somewhat ironic to hear passages from scripture from a witch, yes?” Severus quipped back, earning himself a snort from the Deputy Headmistress.

 

Everyone was given a plate, a fork, a napkin and a long, paper-covered packet, and then the waitstaff seemed to disappear as though they had never been there at all.

 

“Simply marvelous!” Albus said, clasping his hands together as he surveyed the spread before him. “Well, my fellow professors, with another year of schooling at its end, I would love to invite you all to dig in!”

 

The others didn’t need to be told twice.  Large serving spoons ladled various delicious dishes onto plates and there was a clinking and clanking of cutlery as the wizards and witches began to eat…all except for Severus.

 

“What are you doing with that?” Madam Hooch asked, pointing at the paper packet in his hands.

 

“These,” Severus said with a slight flourish as he slipped the bamboo implements from their sleeve and pulled them apart in a singular, fluid motion, “are chopsticks. They are traditionally used in many Asian cultures in much the same manner as we use forks and spoons.”

With nimble fingers, he pulled the chopsticks into his hand and pinched them together with obvious skill.

 

He frowned as the other professors clapped. It was rather insulting to think that they thought of it as some sort of dinner party trick.

 

“Here, I’ll show you!” he said with a scowl, stabbing at the large noodle dish with the chopsticks.  In a moment, he had a large mouthful of food and he chewed slowly, a smug grin turning up the corners of his lips.

 

“Why, that technique’s like a heron if’n I ever seen it!” Hagrid exclaimed with a big, booming laugh.

 

“Well, he’s birdlike enough!” Minerva said with a snicker.

 

“You, I’m ignoring,” Severus said, his shoulders slumping as Flitwick began clapping excitedly and Professor Sinistra added insult to injury by whistling loudly.

 

Instead, he began to load his plate with a small assortment of items and then began to eat, carefully ignoring everyone else at the table and their incredibly rude, open-mouthed stares. Finally, though, hunger won out over novelty, and the others began to eat with earnest.

After they’d mostly finished, the other professors attempted to use their chopsticks, but with mixed results.  Though Minerva was able to hold the chopsticks, she could not seem to pick up anything with them.  And Flitwick blushed pink when he was caught trying to subtly charm his chopsticks with a few hushed spells.  When all was finally said and done, Albus paid the check and the group exited the restaurant together.

 

“Ah, I forgot to give these to you all!” Albus said with an affable grin as he handed out the fortune cookies.

 

“Ah, mine says that death and madness waits those who do not plan properly!” Trelawney shrieked happily, looking altogether tickled pink about her morbid fortune.

 

“Mine just says that I will be receiving a surprise in the mail,” Professor Sinistra said, munching on her cookie thoughtfully. “Maybe it will be those telescope lenses I ordered last week.”

 

“Mine says that I should expect to see an old acquaintance soon!” Flitwick squeaked.

 

The others went around, remarking on their fortunes until it came to Severus.

 

“Come on, then,” Minerva prodded, “you have to open yours.”

 

“Must I, sir?” Severus asked, looking exasperated.

 

“It’s all in good fun, Severus,” Albus said, looking over his half-moon glasses.

 

“ _ Fine _ .” Severus cracked his cookie in half and peered inside. “My fortune is….nothing?”

Indeed, there was no fortune in or around the cookie, nor was it in the small bag that the cookie had originally been sealed inside of.

 

“No fortune!” Trelawney said ominously, “means no future!”

 

The others had a bit of a laugh at the Divination professor’s expense, and then everyone bid each other farewell, Apparating away in the deserted alleyway. Only Albus and Severus remained, both looking at each other as though expecting the other to say something.

 

“Sir, did you honestly choose this place because I mentioned offhandedly that I knew how to use chopsticks?” Severus asked, finally, his voice tired.

 

There was silence for a few moments until Dumbledore’s belly suddenly began to rumble loudly.

 

“I do believe that this is a sign for me to begin my after-meal walk. Enjoy your summer, Severus!” Albus replied, waving merrily as he began to walk towards the park down the street, leaving the Potions master standing behind him.

 

“Happy summer to you too, you old goat!” Severus hissed under his breath, darting into a shadow before Apparating away.

 

It was a small blessing that he would have at least two months to forget the entire evening.

  
  



End file.
